Sunday, January 30, 2011

I'll see you when I see you...

I woke softly,
To her eyes and her arms,
I know she couldn't have loved me more,
She did anyway,
I left the puzzle unfinished,
That last little piece wandering in the night,
Somewhere to be found,
She found it,
Sitting at the end of my bed,
Holding a little jagged picture of the sun setting upon a down day,
She reached out, my hand hardly having to move to touch her,
Closer than she had been before,
More understanding that I could have ever understood,
Her voice was gentle and her eyes full with the beauty of a million shooting stars,
So, she said...
"Honey, the last piece to your puzzle, you left it behind.....
I thought I would bring it back, to give you peace of mind."

"But why would you come back after I never said a word?...
After all the things I wished you'd heard?"

"Darling, words don't mean a thing to me....
you've become everything I knew you'd be....."

Friday, January 28, 2011

When the storm hangs overhead...

This storm is hanging overhead, these clouds will not part,
But I have this fire inside to burn them all away,
I'll burn them all away,

This love we had, whether it caused the storm or the fire,
it caused me to burn,
my soul to burn,

Oxygen fuels me,
every breath ignites me,
and every bit of oil added, time after time, only builds me up....

The closer I get to the edge,
the stronger my grip on the ledge,
I wont ever let go...

And when I watch those clouds advancing on me,
When I see their grey, heavy hands hovering over,
I scream out "Do you really love me??"

"Do you really love me?"

The world never says a word....

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Rocking your world Friday!

Someone needs to show me how to get Virginia's "Rocking your world Friday" button on this thing!! he he!

Well, it is 4 in the morning (Friday morning) and I can't get to sleep... So I thought I would write my post.

This week, I am going to be looking to the little things, because they are what have kept me going. Firstly, I am grateful for my dogs, I know I have mentioned them before, but their faces really do brighten up my day. You can be in the worst of moods and Milly's little face (and the little dance she does!) take it all away for a few minutes.

I am grateful for my Grandma, it was her Birthday yesterday and even though she has passed, I know she is still around. I made her a Birthday cake, it was a love heart shaped sponge cake with jam and icing, was quite yummy if I say so myself... So, I hope you enjoyed Grandma!! I love you more and more each day... Happy Birthday.

I am finding it a little hard this week, but I will continue!!!! I am grateful for Art. I love looking at all different kinds of art, it really inspires me and makes me want to be better.

I am grateful for the knowledge that things will get better. No matter how hard things get, there is only one way to go and that is up. So, up we go!!!!

I am grateful for the hat my brothers' girlfriend (Emer) bought me. It is so cute and warm. I just had to post a picture!!

I am hoping next week will bring much better things, though, I am grateful I got the chance to live this week, because after all, life is something we should be grateful for everyday, no matter how good or bad your week has been.

Sorry if that post was a little depressing!!! I hope everyone has had a wonderful week and has a beautiful weekend ahead! Love to all!

Fi x x x x

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

We are all formed of frailty and error..

You know, we always seem to expect our flaws to be ignored and accepted but when it comes to accepting others flaws, we are pretty quick to judge and run away. There is nothing worse than realising your flaws, and knowing your flaws have caused huge problems for you that could have so easily been avoided if you had just been brave enough to take one look at yourself and realise "No, you are not perfect... but that is OK".

Everyone knows they have flaws, whether it be being insecure, or paranoid, or maybe even too guarded. It is when you see what effects the flaws can have on your life, then there is a problem. I don't think there is one person that can wake up and know for a fact they are perfect. I really like to think I am a good person, I like to think I am kind and caring, I would rather jump in front of a bus than see someone else get hit. This is all well and good, but those little traits you hold? and when they damage the ones you love? That is when you need to take a step back and realise you can't just snap and become aggressive when someone points out your flaws, because us, ourselves, are so fast to point out others. I have found myself so many times judging someone because of their negative points, speaking like I have nothing to work on at all. Speaking like I have reached perfection and everyone else hasn't got a clue.

I have come to realise I have got a lot of work to do on myself. It has finally hit me that everyone needs to stop pretending they are perfect, because the path to perfection requires one to take a long hard look at themselves, realise the negatives and work through them. There are no results without hard work, and if hard work includes having to sit down and understand that you have made mistakes, that you have messed up and that you have a lot of things to work on, then so be it.

I feel like I want a new canvas, one I can alter and fix up to be the picture I have always wanted. Now, we all know, no one is going to get handed a new canvas, the only option we have is to spend a long time working over the old one, to get it to a place where is looks quite beautiful. In the end, the canvas might look messy and untidy, but at least you can look at it and know you tried.

I am impatient, I am impulsive, I am sometimes very selfish, I am wreakless, I am scared, I am insecure and paranoid, I am weak, I am far too idealistic, I am inconsiderate....

I am also ready to accept that, No, I am not perfect, I am far from it. But that is OK.... Because nobody else is either.

As quote that someone very special shared with me:

"We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly--that is the first law of nature."

How can we expect to be forgiven, when we find it so hard to forgive others?

Friday, January 21, 2011

Rocking your world Friday!

Friday again!!! I am getting nervous with these weeks flying by, I am moving country in a couple of weeks! eeekkk!!

Right! Things I am feeling positive about/ grateful for this week:

I am grateful Red and Dan arrived here safely on Wednesday, they flew over from England to spend Christmas two with us! (Christmas 2 is exactly what it says on the tin, a second christmas for friends who are practically family! We leave the tree up and exchange presents!) I can't wait for it, the party is tomorrow night!!!

I am also grateful to Red for letting me do her make-up and being so patient whilst I stuck jewels to her face.. lol! She rocked it, well, why wouldn't she, she is gorgeous!! Also, thanks to Michelle Campion for letting me do Era make up on her, I tell you, if you thought Marilyn Monroe was beautiful, wait till you see this girl!! I have the base of my portfolio done now, I just have to put it together!

I am loving my new hair cut (Half the side of my head is pretty much shaved... sounds crazy but looks great!)

I am grateful for Tea.... Yes, tea... It is so nice to come in out of the cold and have a nice cuppa!!! Love it!

I was in College last monday, and a Chanel artist was in, Dave, and he told me a I was "A pale beauty with fabulous eyelashes!" Which really made my day! Also, he complimented my eye make up!

I am grateful for John, He really brightens up my days, always there to make me giggle and smile. I am so lucky to know someone who knows me better than I know myself. He is just wonderful and I thank whoever is up there everyday for him! He rocks my whole week.... my whole life!

I QUIT MY JOB! The job I hated..... ... Yes, I may be unemployed, but dammit, I am happy!!!

And Oh my lord..... My favourite band "In flames" have been announced to play in the UK this year!!! I nearly had a heart attack when I found out!!!!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful week... and has a lovely weekend ahead!!! Take care!

Fi   x x x x x x x

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Just take my word...

The tide might seem to be in on your shore,
But darling, take my word,
My hand is here,
I got a million anchors holding me down,
and an army standing behind,
We may not seem overly strong,
You may not see the unbreakable line we form,
But darling, take my word..
You will be swayed by the wind and dampened by the deep waters,
and the storms will linger overhead,
and when that lightening strikes, you will have my hands guarding your heart,
and a whisper of "Everything will be OK...."
Darling, just take my word....

Friday, January 14, 2011

A few more arty bits!

This is a piece I did a while back, I was originally designing my sleeve tattoo, then it ended up turning in to a full blown painting! Ah well! I really love green and pink together. Can you see the skull hiding? My mum didn't see it for a few minutes, then shrieked because I had "ruined" a beautiful painting of flowers... she never changes!

This is a little piece I did in memory of my Grandma, I wrote this poem first and wanted to make it a little prettier than just pen on paper! I remember writing this poem, it just came to me so clearly, word for word. It was like the words had been resting there and just surfaced on the day I needed some comfort. So, this is what I came up with! Hope you like it Grandma!

That's all for now, I really should be in bed! Night night! x x x

Rocking your world Friday!

So, it is Friday again! I tell you, these "Rocking your world Friday" posts really make you realise how quick time is passing!! Things I am grateful for/feeling positive about this week!

I am really grateful to my Brothers wife, Johanna, for letting me do my Bridal make-up project on her, she put her dress and veil on and everything! She is a life saver! Now that is two down, I have got evening, era and creative make-up to do yet! Eeeeekk!!

I am very grateful to my Dad for helping me out with my supplies for the course, he helped me pay for a beautiful new make-up case (it has got wheels and everything!!!) and it WAS NOT cheap..... Fanks Daddy!!!

Sleeping bags, yeah, I said it. I absolutely love sleeping bags! I am sleeping so well at the moment!! and plus, I really do enjoy feeling like a caterpillar.....

My Pikachu slippers and the necklace I ordered arrived (About a month late, but still!). The company that I bought the necklace from sent me the wrong item the first time, so when they sent the correct order out, I got two free pairs of earrings!

I am really grateful for having such wonderful people in my life. It is so lovely to know that they will be there for you no matter what, to know that they will always try to make you smile. My Fridays would rock a lot less without them!!

For health, it is terrifying having a health scare, it is such a relief to find you are ok!! Good health is something we should be grateful for everyday, and certainly something we should not take for granted!!

I am very grateful for having something I have always dreamed of...... You often think dreams can never come true, but you never know what is around the corner. Don't give up on them, even if they seem unrealistic, because I can reassure you, there is always a chance they will come true. Patience is key..... I managed it and I am one impatient little bugger!!

I hope everybody has had a wonderful week and I hope you all have a lovely weekend ahead!

Bye for now!! x x x

Monday, January 10, 2011

She sleeps..

She is assured that she will be alright,
But the light won't stop flickering,
A photo stuffed in her pocket,
Creased memories,
She weeps and watches the damp creep down the walls,
She sleeps....
Keeps her jewels clenched close to her chest,
Her skin still cold in the sun,
She sleeps...

Sunday, January 9, 2011

whispers of the willow

I hear the trees ache at night, I hear them trying to grow,
Their roots anchoring them to the ground, reaching to the moon and grazing the stars,
I hear their leaves, trembling with fear of change,

"Stay the way you are..."

"Why, for I am only getting better?"

"I don't want you to change...."

"I'm bettering myself for you..."

Saturday, January 8, 2011

New paintings!

Vivian's nightmare
The grey room

These are two pieces I have finished recently, I went up to the garage and found two pieces of wood and just went crazy! I really enjoyed painting on wood... Watch this space, I reckon there will be more!

I got a Blog Award!!

I popped on to my Blog this morning and saw that the lovely Virginia had passed on one of her four blog awards to me!! It put me in a great mood! So, I guess it is time for the list... 8 things about me.

1. I change my hair far too much, I have had it Blonde, brown, lilac, red, brown with blonde, blonde with red, Black with pink, Ginger.....and finally, I have settled with Black!

2. I have 8 tattoo's, which usually shocks people because you can only see about 2 of them! I have both feet tattooed, hip, back of neck, wrist, ribs, stomach and elbows!

3. The smell of Garlic and Onions frying is one of my favourite smells, even though I really do not like onions!

4. I used to do Irish dancing, I competed in shows (Feis) and one time, I came 2nd, meaning I would win a massive trophy. I was stood in the line and then the judge said he had calculated the results wrong, I had actually come 3rd.... No trophy for Fiona!!!

5. I have never known what I wanted to do, when I finished my exams I went through soooooo many different career ideas! Fashion designer, artist, veterinary nurse, retail manager, marine biologist, occupational therapist, psychologist.... you name it, I have considered it!! However, I finally settled on Make-Up artist! I am loving it!

6. I am ridiculously impatient and impulsive. I am trying to curb my impatience, mainly because it drives me crazy when I am trying to paint/make things! However, I love my impulsivity, it makes for an exciting life!!

7. I love Black and white photography/ paintings. Even with Tattoos, I have colour in two of them, even then it is a very small amount!

8. I have a very, very strange obsession with "The Legend of Zelda". It is like my imagination in a game. When I die, I would like to end up in Hyrule... My God, I am such a nerd!!!

So to pass my awards on, I was going to give Virginia another one, however, I think making her write another list would be a little bit cruel!! So, the awards go to....

Ahhh, bugger it, I know she already got an award, but her Blog is amazing!! You don't have to write another list though!!

Happy Saturday everybody!!!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Rocking your world Friday!

I am joining in on the "Rocking your world Friday"!!!

I am grateful for the Blanket Catriona gave me to sleep with last night, I am not kidding, it was THE most amazing blanket I have ever encountered! Ohhh, it was so... I think they only word I can use to describe it is.. Poofy. I had a wonderful sleep!

I am really grateful for my Dad, always willing to be my taxi man. He is never late, not even by a minute! He really is a star...

I am grateful for our water coming back on! We had been without it all over the Christmas period! I had such a long bath today with every bubble bath imaginable!

I am very grateful for my parents finally accepting that I am moving country, also for actually starting to help me!! It took them a while to adjust to the idea, however, they are really trying to be positive now!

To all my friends that are helping me with my make-up portfolio, I couldn't do it without you guys, I am just hoping a manage to get a good grade with it! I am really worried about my Exams, mainly because I am terrible at studying, I am much better with visual learning and practical work!

I am grateful for my two little doggies, Molly and Milly, that always bring a smile to my face. Who could resist those faces?!?!

I am so happy my presents to John and Virginia arrived, I was getting so panicked that they had got lost in the post!!! I just want my Pikachu slippers to arrive now!!

I want to say a Thankyou for the "Celtic House" blog for the Rocking your world Friday posts! They really brighten up your day!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A new start!

I never really write on this blog, it is usually just a little storage space for my poems! Today, However, I am in a chatty mood! It is the 5th of January 2011 and I am feeling so positive about life at the moment. This year is bringing huge changes and I honestly cannot wait to immerse myself in life.

These last few years, I became very unmotivated, numb almost. I lost all ambition and all hope for the future. I had hobbies that I loved, they all just seemed to disappear. I had passions and interests, they all faded away. It was like I had just become a body, an empty shell.

In the last couple of months, my love of live has been reignited. Mostly due to meeting an absolutely wonderful person that has changed my life in more ways than you could imagine. I now wake in the mornings, take a deep breath and smile. I find joy in the smallest things, for example, this morning I went to feed my two dogs, Milly (the smallest of the two) was poking her nose through the fence, each time she did, it made her sneeze! It lifted my heart so much! It is good to know that in times of darkness, there is always a little ray of light waiting to brighten your day. You just have to be willing to open your eyes to see it.

I feel like I have a new page to draw upon, I felt a sense of relief as the new year came in. All I know is that 2011 is going to ROCK!!! I hope it does for everybody else too!