....

I know I keep missing out on my Rocking your world Fridays at the moment, I am back and forth and never get a chance to post here at the moment with trying to sort out everything like banks, jobs, doctors etc. I just thought I would come on here and vent for a bit, feeling a little bit stressed at the moment!

I am having one of those days where I feel like I am not in my body, I feel like I can't speak or interact properly, like every time I speak, no matter who is listening, I just can't pluck up the confidence to have a proper conversation. I hate these days.

It is strange how from day to day, things can be so up and down. I know tomorrow will be a new and better day, but today, I feel pretty helpless and low and what is even more annoying is that I can't put my finger on why I feel this way (Probably because I am a nutcase woman! lol!). It is strange how when you wake up in the mornings, you don't know where the day is going to lead you, something incredible could turn up on your doorstep, or you could end up feeling pretty useless and lost.

I have so many dreams, but I can't seem to pick myself up and gather the courage to go about them. I need to learn how to believe in myself, because right now, I feel like I could just curl up in a ball. I never speak about it, hence why I find it much easier to come on here and type (This leads me back to the original point of not being able to pluck up the confidence to have a proper conversation!) I just tell myself it is all OK, that I don't need to talk to anyone and that I am probably just being stupid, but you know, that mentality certainly creeps up and bites you in the ass.

I really envy people who have natural confidence, It is almost debilitating in social situations, I am scared of saying anything just in case I look stupid, because I feel like everything I say is of no value or interest. I know this is ridiculous, because I have people around me who care and who I talk to all the time, but when I feel this way, it is hard to ignore it!

It may be the change that has knocked me, even though I don't feel that is the source of the problem, like I said, I am never sure what it is. If I was to take a wild guess, I would say it is the lack of faith I have in myself sometimes. The fact I never think I am good enough for anything.

Urrghh! even reading that back makes me feel stupid! lol! I just needed to vent and think to myself for a few minutes, sorry if that read was a bit heavy! I will pop back on Friday hopefully with a list full of happies!!

I'm back!!

I have been missing for quite a while, moving country and all that! I am just getting settled now.

I was meant to move on the 31st March, dad walked in to my room on the morning of the 30th and told me I had to change my plans, me in my sleepy state replied with a grumpy "erm... what?".... The ferry that we were supposed to be sailing over on was cancelled due to strong winds and storms at sea. My heart sank.

We spent the next hour or so deciding what to do, since the forecast for the next two weeks were very much the same. So we decided to pack up and travel across that evening, it was a mental, hectic day. We set off for Dublin at 4 in the afternoon, got there about 6:30 ish, boarded the ferry at 8, we arrived in Holyhead at about midnight, then drove to Rotherham. We arrived at John's house at 4:30 in the morning, bless him he woke up to let me and dad in!!

So, here I am. I am so happy! I feel so settled and like life is really looking up!! I am absolutely loving being able to see John all the time, and getting to see red more than twice a year is amazing! I am job hunting at the moment, which is a pain, but it has to be done! I saw a job for a Make-up artist for Benefit, I have applied, so fingers crossed!

I haven't caught up with my Rocking your world Fridays, I will get back on it soon! That is all for now...

x

Rocking your world Friday (well, Saturday.... Shhh!)

Hi everyone!!

I have been missing lately, I know I am a day late, but here goes!

I was over in England for a week, I had such a great time! Went out in Sheffield for Paddy's day, best night ever!! Me and John spent the week chilling, sorting the house and watching movies!! There is a little cat called Gizmo that comes around to the house, such a little sweetheart! Here is a picture of me and John on Paddy's day!

Red, the legend, picked us up and we went out to Wentworth garden centre on Tuesday, it was a beautiful sunny day. I had such a lovely time walking around all the gardens and the craftshop! Here is a picture of me and Red! 

I am going for a lovely meal with my family tonight, a leaving do if you like! Bella Roma, a gorgeous Italian restaurant in Galway! I can't wait! I am going to have penne pasta with pan fried salmon in white wine and Garlic sauce!! Nom!

I am so glad my exams went well, I only have one left now and I am feeling confident!

I am grateful for all the food John brought home from the leavers do he was at, we had so many sandwiches, kept us going for a few days. Ginnie, those muffins you sent were amazing!!!

Just a little list for today, I am all over the place!!! 

I hope you all have a lovely weekend/week!! x x x x x x x x x 

        

Somewhere called home..

I always seemed so far away from home,
With the water dripping off my fingertips,
Nothing seemed near, everything took so long,
But I remember seeing you on the horizon,
Flowers and somewhere to belong,
With your arms open wide,
You seemed in arms length, but I couldn't touch you,
All those dreams of your hand in mine,
Don't seem so unrealistic now....

Now that you are here....
Now that the horizon seems so near...
I will never let this go,
No matter how hard that rain falls down, or how deep I sink,
These fireworks just never stop going off,
The sky is a constant array of light,
Just because I know you are here....

I feel like a boat in your ocean,
without any maps,
Completely lost in content,
You will always be who you are to me...
and you will always know who I am...

You always told me that the world would right itself,
and everything has fallen in to place,
That life would work out,
If you could just see my face...

Stay with me,
Just stay with me,
I never thought I could be this way...

Rocking Your World Friday!!

Hi everyone!!! Friday again, here is my liccle list of gratefuls!!

I am so grateful to be safe, after hearing about the disaster in Japan, it makes you feel so grateful to be safe and sound. It is horrendous to think what the people must be going through there. I think we should all take a minute to think about them and think about how lucky we are to have our homes and our families. The world can be a cruel place sometimes, so we should all count our blessings!!!

I am really grateful for my brother Sean leaving his Friends box set behind, it has kept me busy for the last few weeks!! hehhe! I have watched so much of it now, I feel like I know all the cast personally!!

I love the fact that dad went a bought me my hair dye today, he managed to get me the right one as well! He is a big girl really!! Lol!

I am NOT loving this weather, it has been raining not stop today and the poor doggies have been stuck inside all day! Though I have kept smiling, the sun better come out soon!!

I am grateful to have John, I know I always say it, but I am grateful everyday!! He always gives me giggles and makes me smile. I get to see him next week!! Yayyyy!!! So looking forward to it! I am so happy I am moving over soon, this long run is over soon and I get to see him all the time!!!

I am so lucky to have everything I own! I never say I am grateful for it, but I don't know what I would do without my Make-up, my bed, my clothes!!

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend/ week!!!

x x x x x

Rocking Your World Friday!!

Hi everybody!!!

I looked at the calender, couldn't believe it was the end of the week already!!! Nearly forgot to do my Rocking your world Friday post! So, here goes...

I have been enjoying the lovely weather here for the last few days, it has been so sunny and bright out. I have had the two puppies out playing, I think they enjoyed it even more than me! Here is a picture of me and Milly! Molly wouldn't stay still... hehe!

I am grateful I can finally plan my move to the UK now I have received dates for my exams! The 29th is my last exam, little bit later than I had hoped, but hey, it's something!! So I am packing all my things up and trying to find a job over there! I was looking around online, there is a job in a Candystore that I would love so much.... I suppose I should look for something in Make-Up artistry after spending months working for it.. LOL!

I am loving the Zelda books John got for me, I have "The ocarina of time" and "Majora's Mask", they are amazing! The artwork in it just blows my mind. I have loved The legend of Zelda since I was little, I used to watch my brothers play it. I would sit on my mum's clothes horse and pretend I was the main character, Link!

I am am loving cleaning at the moment, my room looks great now I have got rid of loads of crap! No more clutter! Although, my carpet is a complete mess, whoops!! hehe!

I haven't got too much to write about this week, I am not really doing much, hopefully in a few weeks, my list will be super long!!!! I hope everyone has a lovely weekend/week!!!!! See you all next week!

Rocking your world Friday!!!

Hi everybody!!!!

So it is Friday again! They certainly do fly by, don't they?! Well I haven't done too much this week, but it has been a good one! I had my theory exam on Monday, 50 short questions. I am pretty positive I did well.... or at least passed!!!

I am grateful that I also got another week on my Course work, they told us we had to have it completely finished by last week, then when we got there, they told us we had till next week!! A little bit annoying but got to redo my Scrapbook again! yayyyy!!!

Also, my brother passed on his old Pokemon games, so that is keeping me occupied!! I have always loved those games, so addictive! PIKAAAAA-CHU!!

I also have been really enjoying cooking, I made a really nice tomato chicken casserole and garlic and cheese potato bake! The family seemed to love it! I love cooking with some good music on, it is a real mood lifter! There is nothing like baking cupcakes, and decorating them all pretty!!

I know I am always waffling on about my doggies, but they brighten up my weeks so much!! I don't know what I'd do without them, will really miss them when I leave!

I am really grateful for the fact I have such wonderful people in my life!! Also, the fact that John's family have made me feel so welcome!! They have been so sweet to me, I can't wait to spend some more time with them!! I am so grateful for how happy John makes me too! He is just amazing!!

Now I better go, before I get too soppy!!! hehehe!! I hope everyone has the most wonderful weekend/week!! Bye for now!! x x x x x x x x x x x