I know I keep missing out on my Rocking your world Fridays at the moment, I am back and forth and never get a chance to post here at the moment with trying to sort out everything like banks, jobs, doctors etc. I just thought I would come on here and vent for a bit, feeling a little bit stressed at the moment!
I am having one of those days where I feel like I am not in my body, I feel like I can't speak or interact properly, like every time I speak, no matter who is listening, I just can't pluck up the confidence to have a proper conversation. I hate these days.
It is strange how from day to day, things can be so up and down. I know tomorrow will be a new and better day, but today, I feel pretty helpless and low and what is even more annoying is that I can't put my finger on why I feel this way (Probably because I am a nutcase woman! lol!). It is strange how when you wake up in the mornings, you don't know where the day is going to lead you, something incredible could turn up on your doorstep, or you could end up feeling pretty useless and lost.
I have so many dreams, but I can't seem to pick myself up and gather the courage to go about them. I need to learn how to believe in myself, because right now, I feel like I could just curl up in a ball. I never speak about it, hence why I find it much easier to come on here and type (This leads me back to the original point of not being able to pluck up the confidence to have a proper conversation!) I just tell myself it is all OK, that I don't need to talk to anyone and that I am probably just being stupid, but you know, that mentality certainly creeps up and bites you in the ass.
I really envy people who have natural confidence, It is almost debilitating in social situations, I am scared of saying anything just in case I look stupid, because I feel like everything I say is of no value or interest. I know this is ridiculous, because I have people around me who care and who I talk to all the time, but when I feel this way, it is hard to ignore it!
It may be the change that has knocked me, even though I don't feel that is the source of the problem, like I said, I am never sure what it is. If I was to take a wild guess, I would say it is the lack of faith I have in myself sometimes. The fact I never think I am good enough for anything.
Urrghh! even reading that back makes me feel stupid! lol! I just needed to vent and think to myself for a few minutes, sorry if that read was a bit heavy! I will pop back on Friday hopefully with a list full of happies!!
Moving from home, from everything you know, is hugely stressful so you are entitled to be feeling a bit out of your depth. It doesn't help that you don't yet have a job (I guess?) because that would help to boost your confidence. As you say, you are surrounded by people that care about you - try and open up to them, have a cry if you want to because it might just help to break the worry that seems to be building up inside of you.
ReplyDeleteYou are allowed to acknowledge that you are struggling, it really is ok to do that. However, try and focus on the good things that you encounter every day too, it doesn't matter how small they are. Acknowledge the positive things too. Don't worry about what is coming or where the day is going to 'lead' you.
And yes, we WILL be expecting you on Friday with your Rocking entry. Don't worry about a list, if you can only come up with one happy thing then that is great.
See you Friday, and in the meantime KEEP STRONG.
xx
Thank you so much for that Jo, it really put a smile on my face. I am usually Mrs.Positive, but I think that has been the problem, I have been forcing myself to ignore anything that was bothering me. I'll be alright! xxxx
ReplyDeleteDear Fiona, I've always tried to be Mrs Positive too, with a ready smile on my face. But sometimes the smile just doesn't reach the eyes does it? And you don't feel it in your heart. I went through a period of time when I felt like there was a big black cloud hanging over me - I clawed my way out of that dark time taking each day at a time, sometimes each minute at a time, until I was able to smile with real feeling from my heart. I may have come across in my first comment as being a bit bossy and I don't want you to think I'm lecturing you, Fiona, because I really have been there with feelings of self doubt and a lack of confidence. You have been really brave to express your feelings and you will be alright, just give yourself time to settle in.
ReplyDeletex
Ah Fi you are allowed to feel a little low and maybe even a little lost as you start to make your new life, know that we are here for you in blogland but also in real life too - always be honest with your feelings and don't try and paint on the smile when that's not what you are feeling. However, I agree wholeheartedly with Jo - there is a positive to be found in every negative no matter how strange and if you look for the positives you start to ignor the negatives - that was where Rocking your World was born - some weeks are just a lot harder and more difficult but that doesn't mean that there isn't something to be grateful for! Sending you cyber hugs and will give you a proper hug when I next see you!
ReplyDeleteMiss Fi, always remember it is ok, normal and totally acceptable to feel the way you do!!! Don't put so much pressure on yourself to be the happy smiley positive girl all the time sweetheart... it will wear you out. Express your feelings, talk to your friends, rant at the world and let out any negative energy.
ReplyDeleteSelf belief is sometimes a hard road and the journey involves a lot of little steps. Be patient my love, it will come in time, but in the meantime here is step 1.
I BELIEVE IN YOU
xxxxxxx